TV Upfronts: Day Four - FOX

For a true TV junkie, the upfronts serve as a chance to gorge oneself on the possibilities that the coming TV season will bring. Where are your favorite shows moving to? Which ones have been cruelly axed by their network? What new shows should you most be looking forward to? It’s a great time to love TV.

One thing that’s important to remember: This is basically a multi-billion dollar game of chicken, so these schedules are most definitely subject to change but for now, here’s what FOX has to offer starting in September:

Fall 2007:
Mondays
8 – Prison Break
9:00 – K-Ville

Tuesdays
8 – New Amsterdam
9 – House

Wednesdays
8 – Back To You
8:30 – ‘Til Death
9 – Bones

Thursdays
8 – Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?
9 – Kitchen Nightmares

Fridays
8 – The Search For The Next Great American Band
9 – Nashville

Saturdays
8 – Cops
8:30 – Cops
9 – America’s Most Wanted: America Strikes Back

Sundays
7 – The OT (NFL Post-Game)
8 – The Simpsons
8:30 – King Of The Hill
9 – Family Guy
9:30 – American Dad

January/Spring 2008:
Mondays
8:00 – K-Ville (January)/Prison Break (Spring)
9:00 – 24

Tuesdays
8 – American Idol
9 – House

Wednesdays (January)
8 – Back To You
8:30 – ‘Til Death
9 – American Idol

Wednesdays (Spring)
8 – Back To You
8:30 – The Return Of Jezebel James
9 – American Idol Results Show
9:30 – ‘Til Death

Thursdays
8 – Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?
9 – Canterbury’s Law

Fridays (Spring)
8 – Bones
9 – New Amsterdam

Saturdays
8 – Cops
8:30 – Cops
9 – America’s Most Wanted: America Strikes Back

Sundays (Spring)
7 – King Of The Hill
7:30 – American Dad
8 – The Simpsons
8:30 – Family Guy
9 – The Sarah Connor Chronicles

The Big News:
*You pretty much have to be an expert in string theory to understand FOX’s convoluted schedule. Seriously, FOX execs – lay off the meth when you’re putting a fall slate together. Not to mention, maybe you should try to compete in the fall instead of putting forth a craptacular line-up like the one above. No wonder FOX is a fourth-place network. They don’t really start caring until January.

*After avoiding the temptation for years, FOX has spun-off the insipidly popular American Idol into a new atrocity entitled The Search For The Next Great American Band. Is any self-respecting band actually going to go on this show? I was discussing this possibility with a friend and, since the new show will reportedly adhere to the American Idol format, bands will be forced to perform a vast array “theme nights” during the competition. This may work for the talentless karaoke singers on the original show, but forcing a band to play outside their comfort zone? Stupid. Any joke of an album one of these “bands” puts out is going to be so unfocused and scattershot and shitty… yet people will eat it up with a spoon. God help us all.

*Can someone explain to me how the Terminator adaptation The Sarah Connor Chronicles fits with FOX’s Sunday night animation block? If there’s a correlation there, I’m certainly missing it.

*Frasier’s Kelsey Grammar and Everybody Loves Raymond’s Patricia Heaton return to TV in the new sitcom Back To You as co-anchors of a news program who can’t stand each other. That’s funny because I couldn’t stand either of their previous shows and this concept sounds about as appealing as something that I found in my son’s diaper. Pass.

*House is still on? And it gets the post-Super Bowl slot in February? Really? Why?

*Just about the only thing to look forward to on FOX is Gilmore Girls creator Amy Sherman-Palladino’s new series, The Return Of Jezebel James, premiering at some undetermined date in the spring. Starring Parker Posey and Six Feet Under’s Lauren Ambrose, it promises to have the whipsmart dialogue of the early seasons of Gilmore Girls which - I’m here to tell the haters - is a good thing. Other than that, do yourself a favor and forget that FOX even exists. They’re even making The CW look good, and that takes some major, major talent.

Back tomorrow (or Saturday) with The CW.