The Dirtywhirl Rant: How Do These Idiots Keep Getting Greenlighted?

One of the biggest mysteries in the TV industry is how the hacks behind ABC's new series Happy Town keep getting their shows on the air. I mean, really. Producers Josh Appelbaum, Andre Nemec, and Scott Rosenberg's initial blight against humanity was the insipid October Road, which starred One Tree Hill castoff Bryan Greenberg as an inexplicably successful young writer who returns to his hometown after writing a bestseller that trashes the locals that he grew up with. Awkwardness and really bad acting ensued. After lasting a whopping 19 episodes and being shitcanned by ABC, the same production team was chosen as the showrunners for what should have been a sure thing in ABC's adaptation of the BBC hit Life On Mars. How you can take a cop show set in 1970s New York that stars heavyweights like Harvey Keitel and Michael Imperioli and butcher it is beyond me. For those unfamiliar with the concept of the original Life On Mars it combined both sci-fi and police procedural elements as a police officer is involved in a present-day car accident but wakes up in 1973. A central mystery of how the cop ended up there combined with the NY setting of the American remake should have been unfuckupable (yeah... I just made up a word). This one lasted a whole 17 episodes. Wanna know how these cretins' version ended? The protagonist was on a... wait for it... actual mission to Mars. Get it? Life On Mars. He was on a mission to Mars. I wish I was making that up. But I'm not. Really. So after those two abject failures does ABC tell the troika to fuck off as they pitch them a new show? NO! They effing greenlight another one. This time, it's Happy Town, a blatant Twin Peaks ripoff about mysterious goings-on in an small town. Sorry -- not buying it. Appelbaum/Nemec/Rosenberg, I've seen David Lynch and you for damn sure ain't no David Lynch. Lynch, the creator of the venerated Twin Peaks (among other cinematic classics like Blue Velvet and Mulholland Drive) has more talent in his pinky toenail than these jackasses have in their entire bodies combined. Imagine Raging Bull if it had been directed by Joel Schumacher instead of Martin Scorcese and you get the idea. Thankfully, ABC has decided to remove this abortion of a show from their May sweeps lineup after two abysmally rated airings, which drew a combined eight million viewers (which is still way more than it deserved), although the network will burn off the remaining episodes starting in June. Have you learned your lesson yet, ABC? Have you? We'd expect something like this from NBC but you're better than that. At least we used to think so.