100 - Classic Album; One Of The Best Of All Time
99-90 - Exceptional Work; Rush Out And Get This
89-80 - Very, Very Good; You Should Still Go Out And Get This
79-70 - Not Bad At All; Might Actually Be Worth Your Time
69-60 - Has Its Moments But On The Whole... Meh
59-50 - Won't Make Your Ears Bleed; Won't Make You Dance, Either
49-0 - Don't Waste Your Time; You're Smarter Than This (Probably)
Now... onto the review:
Fantasy football players, whether they realize it or not, are familiar with the fantasy kryptonite phenomenon. Players who are fantasy kryptonite are ones who, despite the fact that they burn you and disappoint you over and over, continue to take up space on your team year after year. Eels are one of my my musical kryptonite bands. They haven't put out a truly complete release since 1998's Electro-Shock Blues, yet I keep fooling myself into thinking, "This new record might just be the one..." Sadly, End Times (much like the five that came before it) is not "the one." Despite being probably their bleakest record since Electro-Shock Blues, it fails to resonate on any level and that's coming from someone who loves me some depressing shit. "Little Bird," which was released as a teaser late last year, had me very optimistic for End Times's prospects but, while tonally the record is very similar to the desperation and darkness of "Little Bird," somehow it just doesn't work. It could simply be because Eels have ventured down this road one too many times. Head Eel Mark "E" Everett (who really is the band unto himself these days) has made a career out of musically expressing his self-pity and self-loathing but after a while you can't help but think to yourself, dude, is it really that bad? Do you really need eight albums, let alone one released so soon after last year's Hombre Lobo, to work this stuff out? "End Times," "I Need A Mother," and "The Beginning" are all indicative of E's need for a hug and all come with varying levels of success. If we're being completely honest, other than "A Line In The Dirt" (a tender look at a deteriorating relationship), the aforementioned "Little Bird," and the title track, there isn't much here to justify this record's existence. End Times, ultimately, is mediocre in almost every respect. Yet will I go into their next release thinking that it might finally be "the one?" Yeah... I probably will. Musical kryptonite, my friends. Musical kryptonite.
RIYL (Recommended If You Like): Elliot Smith; Death; Depression; The same themes over and over ad nauseum
Dirty Rating: 54/100
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